I hate when people judge others or say some stupid comment for them wanting to end their lives. You guys don't understand anything, and you never will until you really feel those urges. Until you feel like life isn't worth it anymore.

I know..this too shall pass...

AH, MADALDAL PALA AKO HA!!! - twitter friend DELETED

Death Anniversary

No words can utter how much hurt i felt during those times na na oospital si papa ng wala ako sa tabi nya. That everytime she calls my name, hindi mona makikilala yung boses nya dahil nauutal na sya. Ireally wanted to go home that time, thinking that what ever happened to papa, andun ako. It was already 7:45 am Dubai time, papasok na ako nun. I received a call from mama, advising me na umuwi na ako dahil kay papa. Imediately, salamat sa Boss ko, i got an instant ticket. Two days after that, nasa Pinas na ako.

Kaya ko palang kalimutan mga pangarap ko nun para kay papa, I admit di ko pinag isipan, basta basta nalang. siguro naman walang makakapag sbai na mali ang naging desisyon ko. When i reached home, papa was crying, sabi nya kala nya hindi na nya ako makikita. sabi ko naman, para kang tanga. Ganun ako, ayokong makita nila na mahina ako. Pumasok ako sa kwarto ko, at umiyak, naisip ko, anung nagyare...i prayed so hard, and just said, Lord, i will just lift everything to you.

Ganun pala yung feeling no, yung unti unti mong nararmdaman na kinukuha na yung mahal mo, ng wla kang nagawa. Isang lingo bago namatay si papa, kinausap sya ni mama, papa asked mama, kung kaya na ba nya? referring sa mga problema na iiwn nya, kung kaya na nyang mag isa. Mama, paused for a while and just said, pagod ka na ba? papa replied, oo pagod na ako. Mama, gave him a big hugged and said sige na mag pahinga kana, kaya ko na, kami na ang bahala. Papa ask mama kung pwede daw ba akong makausap sa telepono kase nasa manila ako, sabi ni papa, umuwi daw ako at kakausapin nya ako, sabi ko antayin nya ako, may siopao akong dala at burger. How can i forgot the exact lines na sinabi ni papa, "Anak natatakot akong mamatay, ayoko pa, pero pagod na ako, i was so selfish that time, sabi ko laban lang papa, kaya pa yan. Papa took a rest for about 2 hours, at pag ising nya, mas lalu syang nanghina, hindi na nya maikilos yung kalahati ng katawan nya, Dumating ako sa bahay, nakahiga nalang sya, i hugged and kissed him, gusto kong maramdaman nya na andun kami para sa kanya, ako at ang mga kapatid ko, nakayakap lang sa kanya. Sabi ni mama, matagal na yung isang araw na mabubuhay pa sya, ang hirap ng pakiramdam na makikita mong i aanoint yung taong mahal mo, wala kang magawa kundi sabayan yung pare na magdasal para sa kanya. Niyakap ko sya ulit, at sinabing papa, kung di mo na kaya, bitaw na, yan ang paulit ulit kong sinasabi sa kanya habang hinuhugot nya yung hiniga nya. At dumating na nga yung kinakatakutan naming lahat. ang makita ang huling hininga ni papa...

Sabi nila, matatangap ko din lahat, pero i know for a fact na forever na naganito yung mararamdaman ko, mahirap mag pretend na okey ka, at ipakita sa mga kapatid mo na magiging maayus lahat kung ikaw mismo sa sarili mo, nahihirapan. Hangang ngayun, gabi gabi, umiiyak ako. hinahanap kita papa, na sana mas naalagaan ka pa namin, mas naibigay pa sana namin yung mga hiniling mo nun. mas nayaka pa sana kita, mas madami pa sana taung pictures na magkasama. I will never get tired of remembering you kahit na ang sakit sakit na. Ito nalang ang meron ako.

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget

I'm truly blessed having few good people around. I had a blast last night. It was supposed to be a dinner date with my hubby at Nipa hut, but it turned to be a group date with some of our friends from onegcc. I haven't seen them in a while, yet I often imagine their your expressions. I haven't spoken them recently, but many times I hear their thoughts. Good friends must not always be together. It is the feeling of oneness, when distant that proves a lasting. We had few drinks but a bulk chikas in between. I missed them. Twa's one really a night of fun. Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends. In all honesty, i miss cracking jokes with them.

Its not the size of your friends list that matter, its the quality of friends on it!!

I only have few of them, but true....i called it friends :)

true love, great love o first love?

true love, great love o first love?

Answer here

math

Hi, just woke up realizing i need a entry na....

When everything has been said and done, you think there could be a possibility for another chances? I admit, im not perfect, i do mistakes..(alot).  Im hoping that someday, one day, i will be forgiven. I'm missin' the old days...overnight, cuttings, our photos, the manila bay saga, and ofcourse, THEM. Althrough these years, i'm still wishing that everything will fall into proper places. I know were grown ups, pero ganun pala talaga yon, may masasaktan ka sa ayaw mo at sa hindi.  It's been several years at hindi ko alam na aabot pa ng ganito katagal. If there's one thing in my life na gusto kung bumalik, aside kay papa ofcourse, sila yon. Everytime i missed them, tinitignan ko nalang yung mga pictures nila, yung comments na minsan ako pa ang topic, and yung mga event na pinupuntahan nila, and sadly, i'm not there anymore. At times, gusto ko na silang burahin sa FB list ko, but most of the times ayoko, i enjoyed viewing their photos, yun nalang kase ang meron ako.  I can't blame them, pero sana time will come that i can be forgiven. Na sana they could still remember the small things ive done for them, our small conversation, yun lang ayus na ako dun. I'm just starring them from a far. I just want them to know that i miss them and i'm just here :(

I just also want to thank them, for allowing me to enter in their lives kahit sandali, for allowing me to sit dun sa may tayuman, nang matawag kang sis, nang makasama sila sa napaka daming overnight, makasama at gawing antayan ang Balls at Jollibee Morayta. Salamat.

I was hoping and waiting way back for their revenge, but they just kept on silent, not knowing na mas masakit pala yung ganon, yung wala silang sinasabi....I learned my lesson already, yun nga lang through its hard ways. I was hurt...and still hurting. Pero life is so short, kaya i will just be thankful for those memories with them. I'm still keeping our 1000 photos, including the manila bay shoots. Those memories our priceless. Thank you guys.

I miss them...