Fine!!!!

When the world seems to know that everything is fine with us, truth is, it’s the other way around.

Nasanay na siguro ako na isulat sa blog ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Truth is, mas madalas ko pang hawakan ang mouse ng computer kesa sa kamay mo at marinig ang speaker ng computer kesa sa boses mo. I'm trying to be the best for you (for us), kaya lang you just chose to close your eyes kaya di mo makita. I never hear you saying sorry kapag umiiyak ako, i never feel you comforting me, kapag malungkot ako, and worst is ikaw ang dahilan ng lahat ng yon. I'm totally paid off whatever i've caused you before. You never asked me to choose you, but i still choose you kase alam ko you never wish any harm for me, you will take care of me, na your worth it, kala ko lang pala yon. You never understand kung bakit ako nagkakaganito.

Wala naman akong hinangad na di maganda para sa atin, from the start, I always wanted to be the best partner to you, to serve you, to take care of you, moreover, to love you, but despite of all this, wala. Tingin mo sakin  simpleng partner lang na kakausapin pag may libreng oras. Nakakapagod din palang intayin ka umuwi matapos mong mag goodtimes at nakakapagod din palang antayin ka matapos mag laro sa mga pinag kakaabalahan mong online games. I always set time for us para magkaron naman tayo ng oras para sating dalawa pero you never recognized each efforts i made. This is not what i dream for, never. I envy some friends ive known kapag nag kwekwento sila how they partner's look at them like a princess, na diko man lang ata na experience since then, dahil sa sobra na nating komportable sa isa't isa, minsan wala ng respect.

I won't regret this day saying these lines to you. Kase kahit papano, kahit di ko man pinangarap, nakagaan sa loob ko, nakabawasan sa nararamdaman ko. To you, i'm nothing. At kahit pagsilbihan kita ng habang buhay, wala lang sayo yun.  People thought were ok, iniisip nila na everything is flowing smoothly between us, truth is hindi. Ako na lang ata ang nag pupush sa relasyon nato. Hindi naman siguro kawalan sayo kung pasayahin mo naman ako kahit mnsan, pakita mo naman na i'm worth it, mag ka time ka naman! Ngayun naiintindihan kona kung bakit dalawa ang kamay ko. One is for wiping my tears, and the other one is for tapping my shoulder saying everything will be fine. Hey, i still have a damn life, napapabayaan ko na siguro sarili ko.

And if this is the game that you want, FINE, i'll make a big rebound! I can't even remember when was the last time you ask me hows everything, i guess not even once. I don't deserved this. NEVER, but the truth is nasasaktan mo na ako, its hard to admit that i'm getting use to it.

Alam ko darating ang araw na magiging okey tau ulit. na parang walang nagyare. But i won't erase this blog, this would remind me of how brave i'm saying unwanted words to you during downtime of us.I'm not aiming for everything, just let me feel i'm important, secured and safe....